Dad, are you leading or following? by Gary Moreau 11/03/2011
Who’s idea was it to adopt/foster?
Who took initial action when it was decided to consider adoption/foster?
Did you approve of decision to adopt/foster, did you provide thoughtful helpful input, did you disagree about anything?
Was it your decision or your wife’s decision?
Who got most educated on the process of adoption?
Who led in attending training, and prepped your home?
Who had the best relationship with case workers? Did you even know the name of your case workers?
Who attended visits with birth mother and court visits?
Did you always view this child add your own son/daughter? Are they more property or a son/daughter? Do you just control them or also listen to them? Do you ignore them? Is it also your job or just your wife’s job to care for them? Should you and your wife’s roles be equal in caring for children?
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What role did a father/husband have in Jesus’ time? Men were in control. Men wrote history. Men made decisions. Men could divorce a wife easily. Women were property. The NT Bible equalized the roles of men and women more.
Adoption – happened when father wanted a son, seldom were girls adopted. Perhaps a male slave would be adopted.
What role did father/husband have in colonial times? Man was family patriarch. Respected, elevated. Best chair, served food first, made final and public decisions, bread-winner, a king on his throne.
What is in the mind of a patriarch dad? It is all about us. Do not listen to advice/concerns of others in our family. Women and children are visible but below. They serve and respect us. We are pumped up, others are held down and not respected nor listened to. Was your father & mother like this? Grandfather and grandmother? Is it good?
Adoption – not legally formalized until 1850, mostly just a transfer of title, more like a slave?
What role does father/husband have now? Extremes. Deadbeat dad – do you know your adopted kid’s birth fathers? More equality with wife. Men are often not the primary bread-winner. Is this better than patriarch?
Adoption today – a Christian thing, care for orphans, we have a global world and we know of more needs and we seek to meet them, it is I too hard to just be a trendy thing.
What is in the mind of a dead beat dad? Selfish. Women are property to be taken and thrown away. Children are the women’s property. Wants to seek pleasure with no consequences for actions and takes no responsibility.
What is in the mind of an equal dad? Frustration because we are not respected and served as much as we desire. Desire to return to patriarch? Is it right for us to desire this? Result – disunity with wife and children.
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What is right according to the Bible?
A Biblical Husband
Be a leader.
1 Corinthians 11:3 But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ.
Love your wife unconditionally.
Ephesians 5:25 "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her."
Serve your wife.
According to the New Testament, being head of your wife does not mean being her master, but her servant. Again, Christ is our model for this type of leadership. Jesus did not just talk about serving; He demonstrated it when he washed His disciples' feet (John 13:1-17). Christ, the Head of the Church, took on the very nature of a servant when He was made in human likeness (Philippians 2:7).
One of the best ways to serve your wife is to understand her needs and try to meet them. Do you know what your wife's top three needs are right now? What is she worried about? What troubles her? What type of pressure does she feel?
What do you know about your wife's hopes and dreams? Are you cultivating her gifts?
Another way to serve your wife is to provide for her.
A Biblical Father
Train a child and be nice.
Deuteronomy 6:5 “These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up”
Proverbs 22:6, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” To “train” indicates the first instruction that a father and mother give to a child, i.e., his early education.
Ephesians 6:4 is a summary of instructions to the father, stated in both a negative and positive way. “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” The negative part of this verse indicates that a father is not to foster negativity in his children by severity, injustice, partiality, or unreasonable exercise of authority.
Repent.
Malachi 4:4-6 - "Remember the law of my servant Moses, the decrees and laws I gave him at Horeb for all Israel. "See, I will send you the prophet Elijah before that great and dreadful day of the LORD comes. He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers; or else I will come and strike the land with a curse." (NIV) This seems odd. God seems to be equating repentance of sins with turning our hearts toward our children.
Being a dead-beat dad is sin. Treating a child as property is a sin. Selfishly seeking respect and being served is sin. Equality with your wife plus having a position as leader is right. Be involved, lead by serving, train up your children. Repent. Be Godly because we cannot model and teach our kids something we are not. Be selfless - any hint of self will lead to sin.
Gary Moreau, Feb. 2, 2012
