Open Adoptions – protecting the adopted vs. communicating with their birth parents
Types of adoption relationships with birth family members:
Confidential: Minimal information is shared between adoptive and birth family members and is never transmitted directly; any exchange of information typically stops with the adoptive placement of shortly thereafter.
Mediated: Non-identifying information is shared between parties through adoption agency personnel, who serve as go-betweens; sharing could include exchange of pictures, letters, gifts, or infrequent meetings at which full identifying information is not revealed.
Fully disclosed: Involves full disclosure of identifying information between adoptive and birth families; may involve direct meetings in each others' homes or in public places, phone calls, letters, and sometimes contact with the extended family.
Mediated: Non-identifying information is shared between parties through adoption agency personnel, who serve as go-betweens; sharing could include exchange of pictures, letters, gifts, or infrequent meetings at which full identifying information is not revealed.
Fully disclosed: Involves full disclosure of identifying information between adoptive and birth families; may involve direct meetings in each others' homes or in public places, phone calls, letters, and sometimes contact with the extended family.
What is the history of open adoption in the United States?
By the early 1950s almost every state had amended its adoption statues to create complete anonymity for the birth parents. Beginning in 1974, research demonstrates that some of the psychological problems observed in adolescent and adult adoptees, birth parents, and adoptive parents appeared to be directly related to the secrecy, anonymity, and sealed records of adoption. Open adoption became increasingly common in the 1970s, 1980s, and 1990s as research and practice began to promote the principles of open adoption. (Baran and Pannor, 1993)
How does open vs. closed adoption affect everyone involved?
All:
· Psychological problems observed in adolescent and adult adoptees, birth parents, and adoptive parents appeared to be directly related to closed adoptions.
· A relationship was found between more frequent contact and a higher degree of satisfaction with the placement.
Birth mothers:
· Most view open adoption as positive.
· Fifteen of the sixteen birthmothers were satisfied with contact.
· Birth mother in open adoptions were significantly more troubled than those in closed adoptions in the areas of social isolation, sleep complaints, physical symptoms, despair and dependency.
· Having a fully disclosed adoption does not guarantee successful grief resolution of birth mother.
Suggestions: Involve birth mother when possible in life of adopted child and in decision-making; honor their position as their birth mother.
Adoptive parents:
· They appreciate having contact with birthmothers to answer questions as they arise.
· 72% of adoptive parents were "very satisfied" with contact with birth mothers.
· Openness does not interfere with adoptive parents' emerging sense of entitlement to parenthood.
· Fears that birth parents would attempt to reclaim their children or otherwise intrude on adoptive families' lives are not apparent in families with fully disclosed adoptions.
Adopted child:
· Withholding information and resisting communication with birth child can cause resentment and rebellion in adolescent and adult adoptees; if we share appropriate information at the right time we are doing the best we can for this child.
· Inconsistent contact with birth family can be emotionally harmful to child; consistent contact can be good.
· Safety and legal risks in open communication; be cautious but do not fear.
· Risk of negative influences on child; seeing the real world at the right time it good for the child; the child likely has already experienced some of the worst the real world has to offer.
· Communication with birth family can be very good for the child and for all involved; it can be a blessing to all.
So what should we do as adoptive parents? Ideas
1. We are in control. Do what is in best interest of adopted child and rest of our family.
2. Pursue communication with birth family members slowly and cautiously, with one person at a time. Remain mostly anonymous – block caller ID, post office box, email address, Facebook in your adopted child’s name.
3. Treat all your children equally in that you seek to document their history, heritage, culture, identity.
4. In reality, birth mother is likely to disappear after a while.
5. Open communication is more likely if birth mother/father voluntarily gave up rights to the child, as opposed to having rights terminated by state.
6. Show and promote the good from birth family to your adopted child: cards, letters, photos, gifts received from them.
7. Keep a scrapbook of your child’s history and relationships. Have photos and words. Includes cards, letters photos, etc. Make sure to represent all birth family members if possible. Make a family tree showing the child’s birth family and their grafting into our family tree.
8. Only talk well of the birth parents and family in your home.
9. Talk about adoption early with your child.
10. Let your child know about birth family members early but at the right time for them to accept it.
11. Reach out to safe birth family members including grandparents, aunts and uncles and cousins, and families of adopted siblings of your child. Siblings adopted into different families have a special connection with each other.
12. You will have a mixture of no contact, confidential and fully disclosed relationships with different birth family members.
13. Be guarded and control the contacts with birth family; remain anonymous longer than you want to – be safe.
14. Keeping in communication with all these people is not easy but it is very important. They are part of your family.
15. Be a consistent and non-threatening witness for Jesus Christ to birth family members. You have the opportunity to influence lots of families for Christ.
