Dad, are you leading or following? (Topic during Thur., Nov. 13 Adoption/Foster Guy's Burger Night Out)

Dad, are you leading or following?

by Gary Moreau 11/03/2011

Who’s idea was it to adopt/foster?

Who took initial action when it was decided to consider adoption/foster?

Did you approve of decision to adopt/foster, did you provide thoughtful helpful input, did you disagree about anything?

Was it your decision or your wife’s decision?

Who got most educated on the process of adoption?

Who led in attending training, and prepped your home?

Who had the best relationship with case workers?  Did you even know the name of your case workers?

Who attended visits with birth mother and court visits? 

Did you always view this child add your own son/daughter?  Are they more property or a son/daughter?  Do you just control them or also listen to them?   Do you ignore them?  Is it also your job or just your wife’s job to care for them?  Should you and your wife’s roles be equal in caring for children?

_________________________________

What role did a father/husband have in Jesus’ time?  Men were in control.  Men wrote history.  Men made decisions.  Men could divorce a wife easily.  Women were property.  The NT Bible equalized the roles of men and women more. 

Adoption – happened when father wanted a son, seldom were girls adopted.  Perhaps a male slave would be adopted.

What role did father/husband have in colonial times?  Man was family patriarch.  Respected, elevated.  Best chair, served food first, made final and public decisions, bread-winner, a king on his throne. 

What is in the mind of a patriarch dad?  It is all about us. Do not listen to advice/concerns of others in our family.  Women and children are visible but below.  They serve and respect us.  We are pumped up, others are held down and not respected nor listened to.  Was your father & mother like this?  Grandfather and grandmother?  Is it good?

Adoption – not legally formalized until 1850, mostly just a transfer of title, more like a slave?

What role does father/husband have now?  Extremes. Deadbeat dad – do you know your adopted kid’s birth fathers?  More equality with wife.   Men are often not the primary bread-winner.  Is this better than patriarch?

Adoption today – a Christian thing, care for orphans, we have a global world and we know of more needs and we seek to meet them, it is I too hard to just be a trendy thing. 

What is in the mind of a dead beat dad?  Selfish.  Women are property to be taken and thrown away.  Children are the women’s property.  Wants to seek pleasure with no consequences for actions and takes no responsibility.    

What is in the mind of an equal dad?  Frustration because we are not respected and served as much as we desire.  Desire to return to patriarch?  Is it right for us to desire this? Result – disunity with wife and children.

_________________________________

What is right according to the Bible?

A Biblical Husband

Be a leader.

1 Corinthians 11:3  But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ. 

Love your wife unconditionally.

Ephesians 5:25 "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her."

Serve your wife.

According to the New Testament, being head of your wife does not mean being her master, but her servant. Again, Christ is our model for this type of leadership. Jesus did not just talk about serving; He demonstrated it when he washed His disciples' feet (John 13:1-17). Christ, the Head of the Church, took on the very nature of a servant when He was made in human likeness (Philippians 2:7).

One of the best ways to serve your wife is to understand her needs and try to meet them. Do you know what your wife's top three needs are right now?   What is she worried about?  What troubles her?  What type of pressure does she feel?

What do you know about your wife's hopes and dreams?  Are you cultivating her gifts?

Another way to serve your wife is to provide for her.

A Biblical Father

Train a child and be nice.

Deuteronomy 6:5 “These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up”

Proverbs 22:6, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” To “train” indicates the first instruction that a father and mother give to a child, i.e., his early education.

Ephesians 6:4 is a summary of instructions to the father, stated in both a negative and positive way. “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” The negative part of this verse indicates that a father is not to foster negativity in his children by severity, injustice, partiality, or unreasonable exercise of authority.

Repent.

Malachi 4:4-6 - "Remember the law of my servant Moses, the decrees and laws I gave him at Horeb for all Israel. "See, I will send you the prophet Elijah before that great and dreadful day of the LORD comes. He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers; or else I will come and strike the land with a curse." (NIV)   This seems odd.  God seems to be equating repentance of sins with turning our hearts toward our children.   

Being a dead-beat dad is sin.  Treating a child as property is a sin.  Selfishly seeking respect and being served is sin.  Equality with your wife plus having a position as leader is right.  Be involved, lead by serving, train up your children.  Repent.  Be Godly because we cannot model and teach our kids something we are not.  Be selfless - any hint of self will lead to sin.

Father Leadership (topic during Oct 6, 2011 Adoption/Foster Guy's Burger Night Out))

My comments:  Think about this from the prospective of an adoptive or foster father.  A lot of this advice meets the needs of and addresses fears and problems of adoptive and foster children.  Fears/problems include: insecurity that we will leave them or they will have to leave us, fear of an unsafe environment, only knowing conditional love or no love, being neglected/abused/abandonment, and not knowing a father as a leader.

http://sonstoglory.com/spiritualfathersons.htm

Father Leadership extract

One of the main ways that God provides leadership in His kingdom is through fathers. This is why the spirit of Elijah must come and restore "the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers." Otherwise the "great and dreadful Day of the Lord" which is coming would consume us and "strike the earth with a curse" (Mal. 4:4-6). These final words in the Old Testament point to God's Father Leadership in His kingdom.

Fathering involves the loving heart attitude displayed in raising children.
A father exhorts and comforts and implores and sometimes chastens when necessary (1 Thess. 2:11, Heb. 12:7-11), but only after establishing you through much encouragement.
A father is always around through thick and thin.
A father does not forsake you when you fail or leave you when disagreements arise.
A father not only goes with you into battle, he leads the way (Joshua 1:5-9).
Spiritual fathering is the major leadership method for building the body of Christ.

One of my favorite authors Rick Joyner writes,

"Father" means "life giver." The father gives the seed, and the mother nurtures the seed.

In Scripture, we see the creation as "a" mother. Both Israel and the church are also referred to in Scripture as "mothers." Just as the woman was taken from Adam so that they would have to come together to be the complete image of God, the Lord will be joined perfectly to His bride to give the creation a true reflection of His glory."2

Since God calls his corporate body (males and females) both a bride (Rev. 21:9), and a son (Rom 4:5-7) we can see that gender is not the issue here. Being a spiritual father is not related to gender, and a woman can function as a spiritual father just as well as a man (Gal. 3:28).

The most important thing you could ever impart to someone is how to love God, and this does not come by teaching or someone praying for you or any other "quick fix" method.
It comes from being loved by a father.

It comes by hanging around someone on a consistent basis who has an intimate relationship with THE Abba Father. This is why until Jesus came, we never truly knew how to be intimate with God. Jesus started the Fathering mentorship by being a father to a small group of disciples and this little group became fathers who had sons who became fathers, and so on and so on. The fathering family of God began.

A father does not even choose his own children, but they are given to him by God, and a child does not get to choose their father either.

We do not agree on everything, and fathers can learn a lot from their children too, because it is a two way relationship.

Adoption & Foster Family Christmas Party Thur Dec. 1, 2011

Lake Pointe Adoption & Foster
Family Christmas Party

When:  Thursday, Dec. 1, 2011, 6:30-8:30pm
Where: LPC Rockwall, Hospitality Room
Please bring:  main dish, drinks, salad or dessert to share

Your whole family is invited
Provided: Cups, ice, plates, silverware, napkins


Please email ideas for childrens activities at the party to Charlotte at charlotte@missionfamily.com

Home Play Therapy (CPRT) Presentation

Download PDF presentation here

SO WHY PLAY THERAPY?

Helps you SHOW others what's going on inside

Helps you MANAGE and EXPRESS big and small hurts

Helps you go from passive to ACTIVE role (be in control)

Helps you PROCESS terrifying things that leave you speechless/frozen

Helps you physically REBUILD what feels destroyed

Helps you COMPENSATE for losses

Helps you OVERCOME hardships

Helps you establish RELATIONSHIPS with others

Helps you REGULATE your emotions

It is COMFORTING and NURTURING

Eliana Gil

Extracts from Kara Carnes-Holt Research

Creating healthy and secure relationships for parents and adopted children is an essential therapeutic need for adoptive families.

Children in adoptive and foster placements are at particular risk for forming insecure attachments due to a variety of factors including changes in primary caregivers as well as exposure to repeated traumas such as neglect, abandonment, and abuse.

CPRT is a relationship-based therapeutic model with the philosophy that the parent-child relationship is the structure for change. The findings of the study are noteworthy as results indicate that CPRT can significantly decrease parent-child relationship stress, reduce children’s problem behaviors, and increase parental empathy.

The findings of the study are noteworthy as results indicate that CPRT can significantly decrease parent-child relationship stress, reduce children’s problem behaviors, and increase parental empathy.

Basics of home parent-child play sessions

1.       1 parent with 1 child.  Do weekly for 30 minutes.  Only use toys for this special time. 

2.       Parent sets stage by structuring an atmosphere.  No interruptions.

3.       Have a blanket or closed-in area, set toys along outside edge, have room in middle for both of you to set and to play.

4.       Parent alone sets up and clean up toys.

5.       Child feels free to determine how to use the time.  The child leads and parent follows.  Grant in fantasy what child cannot do in reality.

6.       The parent does not make suggestions nor ask questions.  It is up to child to make their own decisions and find their own solutions. Never do for a child what they can do for themself.

7.       Parent’s major task is to empathize with child – understand the child’s thoughts, feelings, and intent.  Praise the effort, not the product.

8.       Parent should verbally describe what the child is doing/playing.  Verbally reflect what child is doing and feeling.

9.       Parent sets a few limits such as time limit, not breaking toys, stay in play area, do not physically hurt anyone. Ex: “Guns are not for shooting people”, “Toys stay on the rug”.

10.    Sit on ground with your child and face them.

11.    Show “I am here”, “I see you”, I understand”, “I care”.

"Play Therapy @ Home" part 2, Thursday Oct. 20 - Adoptive/Foster Parents Monthly Support/Training Group

Instructors: Charlotte and Gary Moreau   We will give you resources, demonstrations and guidelines on how you can  do play therapy at your home.  Toys allow parents to communicate with their children at a level they understand.  Out of this comes an emotional connection to the child and an understanding of the root cause of problems the child faces.  It also is part of the recovery that the child needs.         Support/Training Group - 6:30pm-8pm, LPC Rockwall, room A-200, free childcare - Register for free childcare ASAP on this web site: http://lpcadoption.org/lpcadoption.org/CurrentEvents/Registration.aspx - Deadline for registering for childcare is normally at least 1 week ahead of time. - Great fellowship with other families who are adopting and fostering, useful training including foster training hours, free childcare, celebrations for adoptions, fellowships for whole families, and mutual support between group members.

Stages in Child Development - from wikipedia

Overview of motor, speech, vision and hearing development

Developmental Milestones^[1]

Age	Motor	Speech	Vision and hearing	Additional Notes
4–6 weeks				Smiles at parent
6–8 weeks		Vocalizes
12–20 weeks			Hand regard: following the hand with the eyes.[2]	Serves to practice emerging visual skills.[3] Also observed in blind children.[2]
3 months	Prone:head held up for prolonged periods. No grasp reflex	Makes vowel noises	Follows dangling toy from side to side. Turns head round to sound	Squeals with delight appropriately. Discriminates smile.
5 months	Holds head steady. Goes for objects and gets them. Objects taken to mouth	Enjoys vocal play
6 months	Transfers objects from one hand to the other. Pulls self up to sit and sits erect with supports. Rolls over prone to supine. Palmar grasp of cube	Double syllable sounds such as 'mumum' and 'dada'	Localises sound 45 cm lateral to either ear	May show 'stranger shyness'
9–10 months	Wiggles and crawls. Sits unsupported. Picks up objects with pincer grasp	Babbles tunefully	Looks for toys dropped	Apprehensive about strangers
1 year	Stands holding furniture. Stands alone for a second or two, then collapses with a bump	Babbles 2 or 3 words repeatedly	Drops toys, and watches where they go	Cooperates with dressing, waves goodbye, understands simple commands
18 months	Can walk alone. Picks up toy without falling over. Gets up/down stairs holding onto rail. Begins to jump with both feet. Can build a tower of 3 or 4 cubes and throw a ball	'Jargon'. Many intelligible words		Demands constant mothering. Drinks from a cup with both hands. Feeds self with a spoon. Most children with autism are diagnosed at this age.
2 years	Able to run. Walks up and down stairs 2 feet per step. Builds tower of 6 cubes	Joins 2–3 words in sentences		Parallel play. Dry by day
3 years	Goes up stairs 1-foot per step and downstairs 2 feet per step. Copies circle, imitates cross and draws man on request. Builds tower of 9 cubes	Constantly asks questions. Speaks in sentences.		Cooperative play. Undresses with assistance. Imaginary companions
4 years	Goes down stairs one foot per step, skips on one foot. Imitates gate with cubes, copies a cross	Questioning at its height. Many infantile substitutions in speech		Dresses and undresses with assistance. Attends to own toilet needs
5 years	Skips on both feet and hops. Draws a man and copies a triangle. Gives age	Fluent speech with few infantile substitutions in speech		Dresses and undresses alone
6 years	Copies a diamond. Knows right from left and number of fingers	Fluent speech

Physical specifications

Age	Average length/height (cm)	Length growth	Average weight	Weight gain	Respiration rate (per minute)	Normal body temperature	Heart rate (pulse) (per minute)	Visual acuity (Snellen chart)
1–4 months	50–70 cm (20–28 in)	2.5 cm (0.98 in) per month	4–8 kg (8.8–18 lb)	100–200 g per week	30 to 40	35.7–37.5 °C
4–8 months	70–75 cm (28–30 in)	1.3 cm (0.51 in) per month	(doubling birth weight)	500 g per month	25 to 50	body temperature	heart rate
8–12 months	Approx. 1.5 times birth length by first birthday	body temperature	9.6 kg (21 lb) Nearly triple the birth weight by first birthday	500 g per month	20 to 45	body temperature	heart rate	20/100
12–24 months	80–90 cm (31–35 in)	5–8 cm (2.0–3.1 in) per year	9–13 kg (20–29 lb)	130–250 g per month	22 to 40	body temperature	80 to 110	20/60
2 years	85–95 cm (33–37 in)	7–13 cm (2.8–5.1 in) per year	12–15 kg (26–33 lb) about 4 times birth weight	1 kg per year	20 to 35	body temperature	heart rate

Specifications sorted by reached age

1–4 months

Physical

• Head and chest circumference are nearly equal to the part of the abdomen.
• Head circumference increases approximately 2 cm per month until two months, then increases 1.5 cm per month until four months.
• Increases are an important indication of continued brain growth.
• Continues to breathe using abdominal muscles.
• Posterior fontanelle.
• Anterior fontanelle.
• Skin remains sensitive and easily irritated.
• Legs.
• Cries with tears.
• Gums are red.
• Eyes begin moving together in unison (binocular vision).

Motor development

• Rooting and sucking reflexes are well developed.
• Swallowing reflex and tongue movements are immature;inability to move food to the back of the mouth.
• Grasp reflex.
• Landau reflex appears near the middle of this period; when baby is held in a prone (face down) position, the head is held upright and legs are fully extended.
• Grasps with entire hand; strength insufficient to hold items. Holds hands in an open or semi-open position.
• Movements are large and jerky.
• Raises head and upper body on arms when in a prone position.
• Turns head side to side when in a supine (face up) position;can not hold head up and line with the body.
• Upper body parts are more active: clasps hands above face, waves arms about, reaches for objects.

4–8 months

Physical

• Head and chest circumferences are basically equal.
• Head circumference increases approximately 1 cm per month until six to seven months, then 0.5 cm per month; head circumference should continue to increase steadily, indicating healthy, ongoing brain growth.
• Posterior fontanelle closing or fully closed.
• Anterior fontanelle.
• Breathing is abdominal; respiration rate depending on activity; rate and patterns vary from infant to infant.
• Teeth may begin to appear, with upper and lower incisors coming in first. Gums may become red and swollen, accompanied by increased drooling, chewing, biting, and mouthing of objects.
• Legs may appear bowed; bowing gradually disappears as infant grows older.
• Fat rolls ("Baby Fat") appear on thighs, upper arms and neck.
• True eye color is established.

Motor development

• Reflexive behaviors are changing:
• Blinking reflex is well established
• Sucking reflex becomes voluntary
• Moro reflex disappears
• When lowered suddenly, infant throws out arms as a protective measure.
• Swallowing reflex appears and allows infant to move solid foods from front of mouth to the back for swallowing.
• Picks up objects using finger and thumb (pincer grip).
• Reaches for objects with both arms simultaneously; later reaches with one hand or the other.
• Transfers objects from one hand to the other; grasps object using entire hand (palmar grasp).
• Handles, shakes, and pounds objects; puts everything in mouth.
• Able to hold bottle.
• Sits alone without support, holding head erect, back straightened, and arms propped forward for support
• Pulls self into a crawling position by raising up on arms and drawing knees up beneath the body; rocks back and forth, but generally does not move forward.
• Lifts head when placed on back.
• Can roll over from back or stomach position.
• May accidentally begin scooting backwards when placed on stomach; soon will begin to crawl forward.
• Looks for fallen objects by 7 months
• Plays ‘peek-a-boo’ games
• Cannot understand “no” or “danger”

8–12 Months

Physical

• Respiration rates vary with activity
• Environmental conditions, weather, activity, and clothing still affect variations in body temperature.
• Head and chest circumference remain equal.
• Anterior fontanelle begins to close.
• Continues to use abdominal muscles for breathing.
• More teeth appear, often in the order of two lower incisors then two upper incisors followed by four more incisors and two lower molars but some babies may still be waiting for their first.
• Arm and hands are more developed than feet and legs (cephalocaudal development); hands appear large in proportion to other body parts.
• Legs may continue to appear bowed.
• "Baby Fat" continues to appear on thighs, upper arms and neck.
• Feet appear flat as arch has not yet fully developed.
• Both eyes work in unison (true binocular coordination).
• Can see distant objects (4 to 6 m or 13 to 20 ft away) and points at them.

Motor development

• Reaches with one hand leading to grasp an offered object or toy.
• Manipulates objects, transferring them from one hand to the other.
• Explores new objects by poking with one finger.
• Uses deliberate pincer grasp to pick up small objects, toys, and finger foods.
• Stacks objects; also places objects inside one another.
• Releases objects or toys by dropping or throwing; cannot intentionally put an object down.
• Beginning to pull self to a standing position.
• Beginning to stand alone, leaning on furniture for support; moves around obstacles by side-stepping.
• Has good balance when sitting; can shift positions without falling.
• Creeps on hands and knees; crawls up and down stairs.
• Walks with adult support, holding onto adult's hand; may begin to walk alone.
• Watches people, objects, and activities in the immediate environment.
• Shows awareness of distant objects (4 to 6 m or 13 to 20 ft away) by pointing at them.
• Responds to hearing tests (voice localization); however, loses interest quickly and, therefore, may be difficult to test formally.
• Follows simple instructions.
• Reaches for toys that are out of reach but visible
• Recognizes objects in reverse
• Drops thing intentionally and repeats and watches object
• Imitates activities like playing drum

Toddlers (12–24 months)

Physical

• Weight is now approximately 3 times the child's birth weight.
• Respiration rate varies with emotional state and activity.
• Rate of growth slows
• Head size increases slowly; grows approximately 1.3 cm every six months; anterior fontanelle is nearly closed at eighteen months as bones of the skull thicken.
• Anterior fontanelle closing or fully closed, usually at the middle of this year.
• Chest circumference is larger than head circumference.
• Legs may still appear bowed.
• Toddler will begin to lose the "Baby Fat" once he/she begins walking.
• Body shape changes; takes on more adult-like appearance; still appears top-heavy; abdomen protrudes, back is swayed.

Motor development

• Crawls skillfully and quickly.
• Stands alone with feet spread apart, legs stiffened, and arms extended for support.
• Gets to feet unaided.
• Most children walk unassisted near the end of this period; falls often; not always able to maneuver around obstacles, such as furniture or toys.
• Uses furniture to lower self to floor; collapses backwards into a sitting position or falls forward on hands and then sits.
• Enjoys pushing or pulling toys while walking.
• Repeatedly picks up objects and throws them; direction becomes more deliberate.
• Attempts to run; has difficulty stopping and usually just drops to the floor.
• Crawls up stairs on all fours; goes down stairs in same position.
• Sits in a small chair.
• Carries toys from place to place.
• Enjoys crayons and markers for scribbling; uses whole-arm movement.
• Helps feed self; enjoys holding spoon (often upside down) and drinking from a glass or cup; not always accurate in getting utensils into mouth; frequent spills should be expected.
• Helps turn pages in book.
• Stacks two to six objects per day.

Cognitive development

• Enjoys object-hiding activities
• Early in this period, the child always searches in the same location for a hidden object (if the child has watched the hiding of an object). Later, the child will search in several locations.
• Passes toy to other hand when offered a second object (referred to as "crossing the midline"-an important neurological development).
• Manages three to four objects by setting an object aside (on lap or floor) when presented with a new toy.
• Puts toys in mouth less often.
• Enjoys looking at picture books.
• Demonstrates understanding of functional relationships (objects that belong together): Puts spoon in bowl and then uses spoon as if eating; places teacup on saucer and sips from cup; tries to make doll stand up.
• Shows or offers toy to another person to look at.
• Names many everyday objects.
• Shows increasing understanding of spatial and form discrimination: puts all pegs in a pegboard; places three geometric shapes in large formboard or puzzle.
• Places several small items (blocks, clothespins, cereal pieces) in a container or bottle and then dumps them out.
• Tries to make mechanical objects work after watching someone else do so.
• Responds with some facial movement, but cannot truly imitate facial expression.
• Most children with autism are diagnosed at this age.

Language

• Produces considerable "jargon": puts words and sounds together into speech-like (inflected) patterns.
• Holophrastic speech: uses one word to convey an entire thought; meaning depends on the inflection ("me" may be used to request more cookies or a desire to feed self). Later; produces two-word phrases to express a complete thought (telegraphic speech): "More cookie," "Daddy bye-bye."
• Follows simple directions, "Give Daddy the cup."
• When asked, will point to familiar persons, animals, and toys.
• Identifies three body parts if someone names them: "Show me your nose (toe, ear)."
• Indicates a few desired objects and activities by name: "Bye-bye," "cookie"; verbal request is often accompanied by an insistent gesture.
• Responds to simple questions with "yes" or "no" and appropriate head movement.
• Speech is 25 to 50 percent intelligible during this period.
• Locates familiar objects on request (if child knows location of objects).
• Acquires and uses five to fifty words; typically these are words that refer to animals, food, and toys.
• Uses gestures, such as pointing or pulling, to direct adult attention.
• Enjoys rhymes and songs; tries to join in.
• Seems aware of reciprocal (back and forth) aspects of conversational exchanges; some turn-taking in other kinds of vocal exchanges, such as making and imitating sounds.

Social

• less wary of strangers.
• Helps pick up and put away toys.
• Plays by themselves

• Enjoys being held and read to.
• Often imitates adult actions in play.
• Enjoys adult attention; likes to know that an adult is near; gives hugs and kisses.
• Recognizes self in mirror.
• Enjoys the companionship of other children, but does not play cooperatively.
• Beginning to assert independence; often refuses to cooperate with daily routines that once were enjoyable; resists getting dressed, putting on shoes, eating, taking a bath; wants to try doing things without help.
• May have a tantrum when things go wrong or if overly tired or frustrated.
• Exceedingly curious about people and surroundings; toddlers need to be watched carefully to prevent them from getting into unsafe situations.

Psychological

Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt (will)
(J. Chasse, 2008) Psychosocial stimulation is vital during the toddler years. Play begins to become interactive. Toddlers begin to learn and exhibit independence, but ironically they enjoy sharing this discovery with others. Another important advancement is active social play with adults including mirroring and repeating. Songs, rhymes, and finger plays (e.g. eensy weensy spider, little teapot, etc.) are a great way to encourage and stimulate this area of development. Want attention, if not paid start throwing objects, trouble you watching TV. Scared from dark, start crying loudly under the situation.

Two year old

Physical

• Posture is more erect; abdomen still large and protruding, back swayed, because abdominal muscles are not yet fully developed.
• Respirations are slow and regular
• Body temperature continues to fluctuate with activity, emotional state, and environment.
• Brain reaches about 80 percent of its adult size.
• 15 baby teeth almost finished growing out

Motor development

• Can walk around obstacles and walk more erect
• Squats for long periods while playing.
• Climbs stairs unassisted (but not with alternating feet).
• Balances on one foot (for a few moments), jumps up and down, but may fall.
• Often achieves toilet training during this year (depending on child's physical and neurological development) although accidents should still be expected; the child will indicate readiness for toilet training.
• Throws large ball underhand without losing balance. Holds small cup or tumbler in one hand. Unbuttons large buttons; unzips large zippers.
• Opens doors by turning doorknobs.
• Grasps large crayon with fist; scribbles.
• Climbs up on chair, turns, and sits down.
• Stacks four to six objects on top of one another.
• Uses feet to propel wheeled riding toys.

Cognitive

• Eye–hand movements better coordinated; can put objects together, take them apart; fit large pegs into pegboard.
• Begins to use objects for purposes other than intended (may push a block around as a boat).
• Does simple classification tasks based on single dimension (separates toy dinosaurs from toy cars).
• Seems fascinated by, or engrossed in, figuring out situations: where the tennis ball rolled, where the dog went, what caused a particular noise.
• Attends to self-selected activities for longer periods of time. Discovering cause and effect: squeezing the cat makes her scratch.
• Knows where familiar persons should be; notes their absence; finds a hidden object by looking in last hiding place first. (This is what Piaget termed object permanence, which usually occurs during the sensorimotor stage of Piaget's childhood theory of cognitive development)
• Names familiar objects.
• Recognizes, expresses, and locates pain.
• Expected to use "magical thinking", such as believing a toy bear is a real bear.
• Tells about objects and events not immediately present (this is both a cognitive and linguistic advance).
• Expresses more curiosity about the world.

Language

• Enjoys participating while being read to.
• Realizes language is effective for getting desired responses.
• Uses fifty to three-hundred words; vocabulary continuously increasing.
• Has broken the linguistic code; in other words, much of a two-year-old's talk has meaning to him or her.
• Receptive language is more developed than expressive language; most two-year olds understand significantly more than they can talk about.
• Utters three- and four-word statements; uses conventional word order to form more complete sentences.
• Refers to self as "me" or sometimes "I" rather than by name: "Me go bye-bye"; has no trouble verbalizing "mine."
• Expresses negative statements by tacking on a negative word such as "no" or "not": "Not more milk."
• Uses some plurals.
• Some stammering and other dysfluencies are common.
• Speech is as much as 65 to 70 percent intelligible.
• Is able to verbalize needs.

Social and emotional

• Shows signs of empathy and caring: comforts another child if hurt or frightened; appears to sometimes be overly affectionate in offering hugs and kisses to children
• Continues to use physical aggression if frustrated or angry (for some children, this is more exaggerated than for others); Physical aggression usually lessens as verbal skills improve.
• Temper tantrums likely to peak during this year; extremely difficult to reason with during a tantrum.
• Impatient; finds it difficult to wait or take turns.
• Enjoys "helping" with household chores; imitates everyday activities: may try to toilet a stuffed animal, feed a doll.
• "Bossy" with parents and caregivers; orders them around, makes demands, expects immediate compliance from adults.
• Watches and imitates the play of other children, but seldom interacts directly; plays near others, often choosing similar toys and activities (parallel play);^[4] solitary play is often simple and repetitive.^[5]
• Offers toys to other children, but is usually possessive of playthings; still tends to hoard toys.
• Making choices is difficult; wants it both ways.
• Often defiant; shouting "no" becomes automatic.
• Ritualistic; wants everything "just so"; routines carried out exactly as before; belongings placed "where they belong."

Three year old

Physical

• Growth is steady though slower than in first two years.
• Adult height can be predicted from measurements of height at three years of age; males are approximately 53% of their adult height and females, 57%.
• Legs grow faster than arms,
• Circumference of head and chest is equal; head size is in better proportion to the body.
• "Baby fat" disappears as neck appears.
• Posture is more erect; abdomen no longer protrudes.
• Slightly knock-kneed.
• can jump from low step
• can stand up and walk around on tiptoes
• "baby" teeth stage over.
• Needs to consume approximately 6,300 J (1,500 calories) daily.

Motor development

• Walks up and down stairs unassisted, using alternating feet; may jump from bottom step, landing on both feet.
• Can walk on one foot, balance momentarily.
• Can kick big ball-shaped objects.
• Needs minimal assistance eating.
• Jumps on the spot.
• Pedals a small tricycle.
• Throws a ball overhand; aim and distance are limited.
• Catches a large bounced ball with both arms extended.
• Enjoys swinging on a swing (not too high or too fast).
• Shows improved control of crayons or markers; uses vertical, horizontal and circular strokes.
• Holds crayon or marker between first two fingers and thumb (tripod grasp), not in a fist as earlier.
• Can turn pages of a book one at a time
• Enjoys building with blocks.
• Builds a tower of eight or more blocks.
• Enjoys playing with clay; pounds, rolls, and squeezes it.
• May begin to show hand dominance.
• Carries a container of liquid, such as a cup of milk or bowl of water, without much spilling; pours liquid from pitcher into another container.
• Manipulates large buttons and zippers on clothing.
• Washes and dries hands; brushes own teeth, but not thoroughly.
• Usually achieves complete bladder control during this time.

Cognitive development

• Listens attentively to age-appropriate stories.
• Makes relevant comments during stories, especially those that relate to home and family events.
• Likes to look at books and may pretend to "read" to others or explain pictures.
• Enjoys stories with riddles, guessing, and "suspense."
• Speech is understandable most of the time.
• Produces expanded noun phrases: "big, brown dog."
• Produces verbs with "ing" endings; uses "-s" to indicate more than one; often puts "-s" on already pluralized forms: geeses, mices.
• Indicates negatives by inserting "no" or "not" before a simple noun or verb phrase: "Not baby."
• Answers "What are you doing?", "What is this?", and "Where?" questions dealing with familiar objects and events.

Four year old

Physical Development

• Head circumference is usually not measured after age three.
• Requires approximately 1,700 calories daily.
• Hearing acuity can be assessed by child's correct usage of sounds and *Language also, by the child's appropriate responses to questions and instructions.

Motor Development

• Walks a straight line (tape or chalk line on the floor).
• Hops on one foot.
• Pedals and steers a wheeled toy with confidence; turns corners, avoids obstacles and oncoming "traffic."
• Climbs ladders, trees, playground equipment.
• Jumps over objects 12 to 15 cm (5 to 6 in) high; lands with both feet together.
• Runs, starts, stops, and moves around obstacles with ease.
• Throws a ball overhand; distance and aim improving.
• Builds a tower with ten or more blocks.
• Forms shapes and objects out of clay: cookies, snakes, simple animals.
• Reproduces some shapes and letters.
• Holds a crayon or marker using a tripod grasp.
• Paints and draws with purpose; may have an idea in mind, but often has problems implementing it so calls the creation something else.
• Becomes more accurate at hitting nails and pegs with hammer.
• Threads small wooden beads on a string.
• Can run in a circle

Cognitive

• Can recognize that certain words sound similar
• Names eighteen to twenty uppercase letters. Writes several letters and sometimes their name.
• A few children are beginning to read simple books, such as alphabet books with only a few words per page and many pictures.
• Likes stories about how things grow and how things operate.
• Delights in wordplay, creating silly Language.
• Understands the concepts of "tallest," "biggest," "same," and "more"; selects the picture that has the "most houses" or the "biggest dogs."
• Rote counts to 20 or more.
• Understands the sequence of daily events: "When we get up in the morning, we get dressed, have breakfast, brush our teeth, and go to school."
• When looking at pictures, can recognize and identify missing puzzle parts (of person, car, animal).
• Very good storytellers.
• Counts 1 to 7 objects out loud, but not always in order
• follows two to three step directions given individually or in a group
• may put the "ed" on the end of words such as "I goed outside and I played."

Language

• Uses the prepositions "on," "in," and "under."
• Uses possessives consistently: "hers," "theirs," "baby's."
• Answers "Whose?", "Who?", "Why?", and "How many?"
• Produces elaborate sentence structures: "The cat ran under the house before I could see what color it was."
• Speech is almost entirely intelligible.
• Begins to correctly use the past tense of verbs: "Mommy closed the door," "Daddy went to work."
• Refers to activities, events, objects, and people that are not present.
• Changes tone of voice and sentence structure to adapt to listener's level of under-standing: To baby brother, "Milk gone?" To Mother, "Did the baby drink all of his milk?"
• States first and last name, gender, siblings' names, and sometimes own telephone number.
• Answers appropriately when asked what to do if tired, cold, or hungry. Recites and sings simple songs and rhymes.

Social development

• Outgoing; friendly; overly enthusiastic at times.
• Moods change rapidly and unpredictably; laughing one minute, crying the next; may throw tantrum over minor frustrations (a block structure that will not balance); sulk over being left out.
• Imaginary playmates or companions are common; holds conversations and shares strong emotions with this invisible friend.
• Boasts, exaggerates, and "bends" the truth with made-up stories or claims of boldness; tests the limits with "bathroom" talk.
• Cooperates with others; participates in group activities.
• Shows pride in accomplishments; seeks frequent adult approval.
• Often appears selfish; not always able to take turns or to understand taking turns under some conditions; tattles on other children.
• Insists on trying to do things independently, but may get so frustrated as to verge on tantrums when problems arise: paint that drips, paper airplane that will not fold right.
• Enjoys role-playing and make-believe activities.
• Relies (most of the time) on verbal rather than Physical aggression; may yell angrily rather than hit to make a point; threatens: "You can't come to my birthday party"
• Name-calling and taunting are often used as ways of excluding other children.
• Establishes close relationships with playmates; beginning to have "best" friends.

Five year old

Physical

• Head size is approximately that of an adult's.
• May begin to lose "baby" (deciduous) teeth.
• Body is adult-like in proportion.
• Requires approximately 7,500 J (1,800 calories) daily
• Visual tracking and binocular vision are well developed.

Motor development

• Walks backwards, toe to heel.
• Walks unassisted up and down stairs, alternating feet.
• May learn to turn somersaults (should be taught the right way in order to avoid injury).
• Can touch toes without flexing knees.
• Walks a balance beam.
• Learns to skip using alternative feet.
• Catches a ball thrown from 1 m (3.3 ft) away.
• Rides a tricycle or wheeled toy with speed and skillful steering; some children learning to ride bicycles, usually with training wheels.
• Jumps or hops forward ten times in a row without falling.
• Balances on either foot with good control for ten seconds.
• Builds three-dimensional structures with small cubes by copying from a picture or model.
• Reproduces many shapes and letters: square, triangle, A, I, O, U, C, H, L, T.
• Demonstrates fair control of pencil or marker; may begin to color within the lines.
• Cuts on the line with scissors (not perfectly).
• Hand dominance is fairly well established.

Cognitive

• Forms rectangle from two triangular cuts.
• Builds steps with set of small blocks.
• Understands concept of same shape, same size.
• Sorts objects on the basis of two dimensions, such as color and form.
• Sorts a variety of objects so that all things in the group have a single common feature (classification skill: all are food items or boats or animals).
• Understands the concepts of smallest and shortest; places objects in order from shortest to tallest, smallest to largest.
• Identifies objects with specified serial position: first, second, last.
• Rote counts to 20 and above; many children count to 100.
• Recognizes numerals from 1 to 10.
• Understands the concepts of less than: "Which bowl has less water?"
• Understands the terms dark, light, and early: "I got up early, before anyone else. It was still dark."
• Relates clock time to daily schedule: "Time to turn on TV when the little hand points to 5."
• Some children can tell time on the hour: five o'clock, two o'clock.
• Knows what a calendar is for.
• Recognizes and identifies coins; beginning to count and save money.
• Many children know the alphabet and names of upper- and lowercase letters.
• Understands the concept of half; can say how many pieces an object has when it's been cut in half.
• Asks innumerable questions: Why? What? Where? When?
• Eager to learn new things.

Language development

• Vocabulary of 1,500 words plus.
• Tells a familiar story while looking at pictures in a book.
• Defines simple words by function: a ball is to bounce; a bed is to sleep in.
• Identifies and names four to eight colours.
• Recognizes the humor in simple jokes; makes up jokes and riddles.
• Produces sentences with five to seven words; much longer sentences are not unusual.
• States the name of own city or town, birthday, and parents' names.
• Answers telephone appropriately; calls person to phone or takes a brief message
• Speech is almost entirely grammatically correct.
• Uses "would" and "could" appropriately.
• Uses past tense of irregular verbs consistently: "went," "caught," "swam."
• Uses past-tense inflection (-ed) appropriately to mark regular verbs: "jumped," "rained," "washed."

Social development

• Enjoys and often has one or two focus friendships.
• Plays cooperatively (can lapse), is generous, takes turns, shares toys.
• Participates in group play and shared activities with other children; suggests imaginative and elaborate play ideas.
• Shows affection and caring towards others especially those “below” them or in pain
• Generally subservient to parent or caregiver requests.
• Needs comfort and reassurance from adults but is less open to comfort.
• Has better self-control over swings of emotions.
• Likes entertaining people and making them laugh.
• Boasts about accomplishments.

Six year old

Physical

• Weight gains reflect significant increases in muscle mass.
• Heart rate and respiratory rates are close to adults.
• Body may appear lanky as through period of rapid growth.
• Baby teeth beginning to be replaced by permanent ones, starting with the two lower front teeth
• 20/20 eyesight; if below 20/40 should see a professional.
• The most common vision problem during middle childhood is myopia, or nearsightedness. (Berk, 2007).
• Uses 6,700 J to 7,100 J (1,600 to 1,700 calories) a day.

Motor development

• Gains greater control over large and fine motor skills; movements are more precise and deliberate, though some clumsiness persists.
• Enjoys vigorous running, jumping, climbing, and throwing est.
• Has trouble staying still.
• Span of attention increases; works at tasks for longer periods of time, though
• Can concentrate effort but not always consistently.
• Understands time (today, tomorrow, yesterday) and simple motion (things go faster than others).
• Recognizes seasons and major activities done in the times.
• Has fun with problem solving and sorting activities like stacking, puzzles and mazes
• Enjoys the challenge of puzzles, counting and sorting activities, paper-and-pencil mazes, and games that involve matching letters and words with pictures.
• Recognizes some words by sight; attempts to sound out words
• In some cases the child may be reading well.
• functioning which facilitates learning to ride a bicycle, swim, swing a bat, or kick a ball.
• Making things is enjoyed.
• Reverses or confuse certain letters: b/d, p/g, g/q, t/f.
• Able to trace objects.
• Folds and cuts paper into simple shapes.
• Can Tie Laces, string (like shoes).

Language

• Can identify right and left hands fairly consistently.
• Holds onto positive beliefs involving the unexplainable (magic or fantasy)
• Arrives at some understanding about death and dying; expresses fear that parents may die.
• Talks a lot.
• Loves telling jokes and riddles; often, the humor is far from subtle.
• Experiments with slang and profanity and finds it funny.
• Enthusiastic and inquisitive about surroundings and everyday events.
• Able to carry on adult-like conversations; asks many questions.
• Learns 5 to 10 words a day; vocabulary of 10,000–14,000.
• Uses appropriate verb tenses, word order, and sentence structure.

Social and emotional

• Uses language rather than tantrums or physical aggression to express displeasure: "That's mine! Give it back, you dummy."
• Talks self through steps required in simple problem-solving situations (though the "logic" may be unclear to adults).
• Has mood swings towards primary caregiver depending on the day
• Friendship with parent is less depended on but still needs closeness and nurturing.
• Anxious to please; needs and seeks adult approval, reassurance, and praise; may complain excessively about minor hurts to gain more attention.
• Often can't view the world from another’s point of view
• Self-perceived failure can make the child easily disappointed and frustrated.
• Can't handle things not going their own way
• Does not understand ethical behavior or moral standards especially when doing things that have not been given rules
• Understands when he or she has been thought to be "bad"; values are based on others enforced values.
• May be increasingly fearful of the unknown like things in the dark, noises, and animals.